Shocked In The Suburbs
An autobiography
Kona Poems
I also dabbled in writing poetry. A local group held weekly readings in a small coffee shop. They called their group “Kona Poems.” I’d taken a college course on Geoffery Chaucer and his hilarious (and, some would say, deeply religious) Canterbury Tales. I decided to go and try my skills with the locals. The venue…
Rehab 3
Checked in to rehab again. Five nights a week for the first five weeks, or something like that. Check in, get your sample cup, go pee, turn in the cup, sit down, wait for the others to trickle in, no pun intended. Tonight our rehab leader was looking quite attractive, to me. I’m heterosexual. She…
The Mistake, Revisited
“We’ve reviewed the court transcripts and there were no conditions placed on the reduction of charges from Felony Assault with a Deadly Weapon, Doorknob. The defendant is charged with reckless misdemeanor assault and resisting arrest.” Judge Judgeson turned his gaze from Mr. Phycks to Ms. Anesthesia and back as he gave his pronouncement. Phycks and…
Sexing the Mice
I met Hans the next day at Room 201 on the second floor of the Annexation Building. Charlie Deckard, the mouse sexer, was with him. We entered the room. The mice were already there, in cages on a couple of carts. “Alright, let’s do this” said Charlie. “Hans and Justin, just feed me the cages.…
Pathology Lab
I pushed my cart on down the hall to the Pathology lab, and key carded in. I stopped at the front desk. “HI, I’m from Radiation Safety. Somebody called for a Brachy Seed check.” “Oh, yeah. I think that’s Tyra. Sue! Radiation Safety is here. Who called? Tyra?” “Yeah, down the third aisle.” “Third aisle.”…
Hans and Marguerita
Here came Hans Koblenz and Marguerita Semolina down the hall, as I rolled my cart toward Pathology to check the radiation levels on some prostate seeds. Marguerita looked fit and healthy in her blue culottes and chest binder. Hans wore his competition squash outfit; a tight jet black cotton and spandex twill with rising sun,…
Youth Sports
My kids played several sports, with varying amounts of success. One of the early fails was a town judo league run in the community center; the same building as the library and courthouse. Son 1 was about 5 at this time, and my wife, Jaime, was not working, so she brought him to the practice…
A Death in Canada
“They’re going to kill someone” I had said to McMurfee, during one of our meetings after I realized I’d been TEASER-ed. “They’re using these things with no training. They deny using them at all. They could have killed me.” “You’ve got no proof they TEASER-ed you. It’s your word against theirs. They’ll win.” McMurfee countered.…
Substance Abuse 2: The Magic Book
Went to Group Substance Abuse after work. Checked in. Paid the co-pay. Pissed in the cup. Sat back down. The coordinator came in and sat down. Waited for all to arrive. I got this down. Once everyone arrived, a second counselor came in the room. He was an older guy, maybe in his 50s, and…
Going On Record
I shared my account of my arrest, the same one I had sent to McMurphree, with Mr. Phycks. Just as he had asked for the day he took over my case before Judge Judgeson, Mr. Fix had been granted a “Probable Cause” hearing. It was the greatest thing I could have hoped for. In effect,…
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Shocked in the Suburbs 