My kids played several sports, with varying amounts of success. One of the early fails was a town judo league run in the community center; the same building as the library and courthouse. Son 1 was about 5 at this time, and my wife, Jaime, was not working, so she brought him to the practice sessions.
Looking back, perhaps some of this is my fault. I don’t recall him bringing home any study materials, I never saw him practicing any judo moves at home, and I don’t know judo myself, so I wasn’t prepared to teach him. I was about to learn a valuable lesson.
Jaime announced that this Saturday Son 1 would have his first Judo Match! We were excited. Jaime, Son 1, Son2 and I climbed into our mini van and drove the couple miles to the town complex. The event was well attended. We took our seats, watched and waited for Son 1’s turn to fight. He’s announced! “Son 1 versus Other Guy.”
They each come out to the center of the fight zone. The sensei has them shake hands. Son1 has a big dumb smile on his face. Other Guy has a serious game face on. Sensei steps back and says “Fight!” They square off and approach each other, and Other Guy swiftly grabs Son 1 by his collar, falls back, bringing his foot to Son 1’s chest, and flips Son 1 over onto the floor. Sensei runs out and stops the massacre, declaring Other Guy the winner. Son 1 gets up, still smiling but now it’s an uncertain half smile, and rubbing his head, which he landed on. The fight was clearly to all observers a huge mismatch in skill level.
I made my way over to Sensei, not angry but definitely needing to find out why my son was thrown to the wolves. “Hi, I’m Son 1’s father. This is his first season with you guys, and he’s only 5 years old. Was he taught how to defend against a throw like that? Should he have been up against Other Guy in the first round?”
“Oh, he’s only 5?” replied Sensei. “He’s big for his age! You know, every child learns at his own pace and brings his or her own skill set into the ring. In a tournament, sometimes you don’t know the other fighters’ strengths and weaknesses blah blah blah yada yada yada coach blather.”
“Was that a legal move at this level in this tournament?”
“Well, I did stop the fight. Your son lost. Maybe next time he’ll do better.” And away walked the shitty sensei, on to the next match.
At the time, my biggest immediate takeaway from this was “Be Wary of Other Parents.” It seemed to me that Other Guy’s Dad taught him this move, and knew it wasn’t yet taught in the beginner’s class, and would be a winner. That’s devious. On the other hand, I taught my son absolutely nothing, and that’s lazy. I should’ve been more involved. I should’ve asked my son to show me what he was learning, and help him practice. I was a bad dad, too, but in the opposite direction. Other Dad taught advanced moves, I didn’t help my son learn and practice even the basic moves. I learned my lesson.
Shocked in the Suburbs 