Flag Football

I brought my son to community flag football that weekend. I was one of the two coaches for my son’s team. The irony wasn’t lost on me that I was out on bail for Felony Assault with a Deadly Weapon; Doorknob on my son, and yet here I was coaching his 8/9 year old flag football team, but there you go. I saw Bob Salamander, another of the scout dads.

“Hi, Bob.”

“Justin! Hi! Are you ok? I wasn’t sure if I’d see you here today!”

“Yeah, I’m ok. [redacted] is ok, too. There he is over there, warming up with the team. He got two stitches, I’m not even sure how, but he’s ok.” Bob and Angelo Toreador were the first two I had told after my arrest. Bob was also a lawyer, but he hadn’t opted to write a letter of support to the Judge, as Angelo had. “I can’t say much, as you can imagine, but we’re ok. I found out they even TEASER-ed me during the arrest.”

“You got TEASER-ed? Wow! What was that like?”

“I don’t even know! I don’t remember it! The whole thing is a blur. I shouldn’t talk about it. That’s enough.”

“You should read up on those TEASERs” he said. “They can cause short term memory loss. It’s similar to electro-shock therapy. An electric charge to the body is always risky. You’re not a cow. It’s a cattle prod on steroids. Alright, talk to you later. My son’s team is getting ready, too. Take care. Good luck. If you need to talk, just let me know.”

“Thanks Bob.”

I went back to my team and spoke to my coaching partner. His son was quite big for his age and had to be careful playing with the smaller kids, even though it was only flag football.

“Justin, I actually can’t stay today, I’m just dropping off my son. Can you handle it alone? My wife will come pick him up later.”

“Sure, no problem”

It was a piece of cake, really. This was the third week, and the kids knew what to do. As the coach, when we had the ball I would go into the huddle and guide the kids into making a plan, then scurry off to the sidelines. The other coach would do the same for the defense. The oldest players within the age group were usually the best. One of the kids was a real hotshot. He scored a touchdown, and we were up by two goals, so I had him sit out a play, and then it was halftime. During halftime one of the dads came up to me.

“Hey, why is my son not playing?” he demanded.

“Which one is yours?” I asked, thinking I had been being pretty fair.

“Billy.”

“Billy? He’s my best player. He just got that touchdown so I’m giving the other kids a chance.”

“But he’s been out two plays in a row now, plus several others in the first half. Do I have to talk to the league?”

I tried not to laugh. If this guy gets so upset over flag football… but who am I to talk?