In my 19-year career at Roqueforte University I worked with 4 different Radiation Safety Officers (RSO.) I won’t say I worked “for” them, because sometimes we seemed to be on different sides. I worked for Roqueforte University, and for the many different users of Radioactive Materials who paid fees to the Radiation Safety Unit of the Health and Safety Department. I worked with the RSOs. Tim Zieglerson was the Too Good. Later we’ll meet The Indifferent Paul Antonin Karma, The Bad Franklin H. Meischkovitch, and The Incompetent Dmitri Conniver. I returned to work.
“Good morning, Penny.” She looked up with her patented wry smile.
“Hey, good morning Justin. I heard you might come in today. How are you feeling? Oh, you’re a little scratched up.”
“Yeah, a little. Was that the first time you ever had anyone call in arrested?”
“Yeah, that was a first. Tim’s in his office. I think he’d like to see you.”
“I can imagine.” I walked the ten feet to Tim’s office; the door was open, and I gave a little knock on the jamb.
Tim stood up and waved me to a chair, then shut the door and returned to sit at his desk.
He looked at me for a moment and said “Well. Have you hit bottom?”
Hmm… so he’s saying an alcoholic has to hit bottom before he recovers. He’s saying I’m an alcoholic. I’m in no position to disagree, so…
“I believe so. Obviously, there’s a problem. Yes.”
“Let me tell you a little story” he began. “I was married to a woman who became an alcoholic. Perhaps it was partly my fault. She gave up her career as a librarian when she married me and travelled wherever I found work over the years. I tried to get help for her. I remember grocery shopping one night and she put a bottle of wine in the cart. I told her to put it back or walk home with it.”
He pushed a piece of paper over to my side and told me to read it and sign it.
“I, Justin Marlin, was arrested for felony assault and resisting arrest. I reported the same to Tim Ziegler, RSO Roqueforte University. I understand that my security clearance to the Death Rays is hereby revoked. If I am found guilty of the crimes with which I have been charged then I may face further sanctions, up to and including the loss of my job.”
I signed it.
“Thank you” said Tim. “I imagine your attorney, or the judge will suggest you go to rehab. The average number of times a person goes to rehab before it sticks is three. My wife did me the favor of dying young, maybe from her years of drinking, I don’t know for certain. She went twice to rehab. Good luck.”
And I left the room.
Shocked in the Suburbs 